A Hiatus

"HELLO?" 

That was me yelling into the empty void that is now my blog. 

Hey! Long time no see, huh! How've you been? I'm good thanks. [insert more small talk to catch-up after months and months of absence].

I've been busy, evidently, and many things have been going on in life that seem to require more time and priority than blogging. My life has continued to go on in its own manner, with even more on-board this year. 

I have travelled, I have learnt, I have taken on new hobbies, I have become stressed and relieved and cruising and crawling through life and the various hurdles it throws my way. 

To be completely honest, I'm not sure who even reads this anymore. I just realise I still have it linked on a few social media sites, and it always is a small disappointing sigh whenever I remember that I haven't updated it in a long, long while.

Right now, I feel there is so much I want to write about and share, yet also there seems to be a lack of something -- something that stops me from doing so. I've learnt a tremendous amount in the last six months since my previous over-due update; spending weeks in palliative care, getting more hospital and clinical experience, and road-tripping around a new country for two weeks have all brought me new memories, stories, and lessons learnt, and yet life continues to snowball forward. 

Will I ever update this again? Will I ever tell these stories on this blog? I don't know. Are they stories worth-sharing? I can't tell. Surely, they are stories I will tell someone, someday. But who and when it will be is currently a mystery.

I have blogged since I was 14 (don't ask me about my old blogs -- they are very embarrassing, in hindsight) and it has become a part of me that I don't think I will ever forget. 

Many years ago, I was very shy. It was hard for me to share my stories, my thoughts, and to express myself in detail and great length to those around me -- I just wasn't that much of a talker. Yet, as a human, I wanted to share... But how? So I began to blog.

From the safety of my own home, I could express myself the way I wanted to, and throw these stories out into the wind for anyone to read as they please. That way, my word could get out there, make a difference, fly out into the world, rather than be locked up in the cage of my head and never see the light. Sure, I make this sound all romantic, but that is -- I believe -- the reason I started blogging.

And, it is also the reason I have felt a lull in the urge to continue on. 

In the last year I have learnt through various people the skills in sharing what I think to others. Mostly, my close friends. I have begun to open myself up to them in new ways, communication my thoughts and telling stories of my every-day life to those who care. In particular, my boyfriend has taught me a lot in this regard, showing me that these stories don't need to be left on this blog; that there are people who do want to listen to them, as long as I am willing to share. In other words, the people who care about you.

So, I have found new ways to share my thoughts. Through the words I speak, rather than the ones I write. I have told my family, friends, and strangers various tidbits of my life, what happened last week, or what I plan on doing next month, and as a consequence of that I have lost the need to write here.

Will anybody even care? I think to myself. That was always the biggest obstacle for me -- when I wrote, did anyone read it? When I tell people of my day, do they really care to listen? A small dose of insecurity which I am learning how to overcome by finding the ones that do care to hear me out, and for me, that has been through personal contact and no longer through this blog.

Is this me signing off? Why all the questions to yourself, Manj?

Perhaps it is. And perhaps I'm just trying to sort my own thoughts out.

I'll chat to you all soon, someday, I am sure.

Till then, have a wonderful life, and kids, never forget to stay hydrated.